Boyfriends and girlfriends – How to get over them

Question:

My parents selected a guy for me and I spoke to him a lot of times and we both were completely happy to marry each other, suddenly he stopped talking and his phone doesn’t work.  Later, after a few days he called and said he met with an accident and so wanted me to marry someone else as he finds himself unfit for me.  I said that I will marry him in any situation, my love was not physical but I loved him sincerely.  He was very happy.  Now again he vanished and not in contact.  I am making dua that he may come back and so that we get married happily.  My friends say that he may be a fake.  I am very depressed.  I don’t to talk or marry another guy.  Please help me and tell me what dua I should make to get him back as soon as possible.

Answer:

 

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

 

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Marriage is not about one day, one month or one year.  Marriage is a lifetime’s commitment.  A lifetime’s commitment requires a partner who is a lifetime partner.  You cannot have a partner who is unreliable or disappears every so often.  How can you want to live with a partner who is so unpredictable? One morning he is there and by evening he is elsewhere?  How can your children have a father who has the potential to leave suddenly?

 Once he has said he met you by accident and wants to marry someone else, how can your rational want him back? Even before marriage he has shown he cannot be trusted.  The essence of a marriage is trust.  Once trust dissolves, the marriage is in free fall.  What stops him from looking at and wanting other women once you are married? Can your sense of honour accept a man who has already shown inclination to another woman?

 It is normal and human to feel depressed and hurt.  Anybody in your shoes would feel the same.  You have to realise you have been saved from an impending calamity.  Imagine if you were married with children and he ran away, what would your state be then? You would be left all alone and helpless.

 Is he really that worth it? Before you were introduced to him, you were happy and upbeat, now you are depressed because of him.  The reality is, he has hurt you, played with your feelings and left you.  You deserve better than that.

 Consider this as a blessing in disguise and thank Allah Ta’ālā for saving you from such a person.  Forget him.  You need to move on and insha’Allah your prince charming will come.  You have to move on.  We advise the following steps to help detoxicate yourself from this poison:

1)     Disassociate yourself from everything related to him.  If he sent you any cards, letters or text messages, delete all of them.  They are of no benefit.  He has left you and gone to another woman.  He does not want you.  So why cry over his mail?

2)     Let your parents formally show his family you are also not interested anymore.  Let it be known that it is over.  You will see they are not interested in the least.  So why should you?

3)     Keep remembering what he has done to you.  He preferred another woman over you.  He never really loved you.  So why should you?

4)     Ponder over what the future would have been like with him.  Daily you would fear him leaving you.  So why want a future with such a person?

5)     Stay in the company of other people as much as you can.  Do not sit alone.  Thoughts will begin to creep into your mind and shaytān will attack the moment you are alone.

6)     Most importantly, turn to Allah Ta’ālā and thank Him for saving you from such a partner.  Turn to Him sincerely and repent for all wrong done.

 If you practice on the above, most definitely within a matter of weeks if not days, your heart will begin to heal.  You will realise how fortunate you are not to have got involved with such a person.  The initial stages will be difficult.  Pain is synonymous to such moments.  However, the bliss to follow will be sweet.   Remember every dark night is followed by a bright day.  There is light at the end of a dark tunnel.  If you are patient in a moment of sorrow, you will save yourself from a hundred sorrows.  Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

Insha’Allah, after a few days you will come around and be ok.  Thereafter, you need to find a spouse which is a blessing and not a curse.  We advise you to read the following article:

http://darulfiqh.com/what-shall-i-look-for-in-a-prospective-spouse/

We make du’ā’ Allah Ta’ālā makes everything easy for you.  Amīn.

And Allah Ta’ālā Knows Best

 

Mawlana Faraz ibn Adam
Student Darul Iftaa
Leicester, United Kingdom

 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

 

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