I recently got married in 2009. I was happy. After awhile something happened to my husband. His temper changed. It seems he has a dual policy in his mind. At the same time he loves me alot. Tell me how I can rebuild our trust. Tell me some wazifah or any brief recitation from the Quran so that I can live my life very happily and our trust is back? I want a happy and loving relation. I love him very much and I want that he should love and care about me more than his life.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
When a person embarks upon a new task, the initial stages are always challenging. Marriage is no different. Majority of newlyweds have complexities in the first couple of months and sometimes even years. The husband and wife have to compromise a lot to make things flow. Two individuals from different backgrounds and lifestyles have come together. There will certainly be issues upon which both agree and disagree. The difficulties of adjusting to a different lifestyle coupled with responsibility can manifest itself in outbursts of anger.
Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Your husband maybe stressed or under pressure due to which he loses his temper frequently. You mentioned he loves you a lot; speak to him when he is in a good mood. Something might be disturbing him or upsetting him. Make your husband acknowledge that he is having difficulty controlling his temper. Once he accepts his weakness, convince him to attend anger management courses. These courses are designed specifically to help overcome domestic issues.
The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) said,
“Verily, there is in the body a small piece of flesh; if it is good the whole body is good and if it is corrupted the whole body is corrupted; lo! It is the heart . [i]
All negative behaviour displayed by any human is due to the corruption of the heart. To alter or rectify anything, you have to consult with a specialist in that field. For car breakdowns there are mechanics. For computers there are technicians. To get a car moving again, it has to be rectified by a mechanic. To overcome a virus or malfunction, the computer has to be treated by a technician. Likewise, to rectify the ills of the heart, we have to consult and seek the guidance of scholars trained in the field of Tazkiyah (spiritual purification). A constant effort has to be made upon the heart and soul to rectify it. Hence, your husband must attend the gatherings of the scholars and endeavour to purify his soul and subdue negative impulses.
Another way to help your husband is through the medium of books. Purchase books addressing anger and its harmful effects. Don’t give it to your husband, as that might be offensive. Instead, place the book in such a place which will catch his eye.
Have lectures of scholars playing at home and in the CD player of your vehicle. Expose your husband to Islam and the lifestyle of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam).
All the while, make constant dū῾ā to Almighty Allah. If there is anything in the house which attracts the wrath of Allah then dispose of it. Abstain from all activities which violate the Laws of Almighty Allah. You may want to supplicate to Allah the Almighty with the following:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Rabbanā hab lanā min azwājinā wathurriyyātinā qurrata ῾ayunin waj῾alnā lilmuttaqīna imamā
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
We make dua to Allah Ta῾ālā he grants yourself and your husband mutual love and trust. Āmīn
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mawlana Faraz Ibn Adam,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.