Please give me some advice before I proceed with this engagement?

Question:

Assalamualaikum  I am a  22 year old man. Alhumdulilah Hafize Quran, pursuing my studies as a Charted Accountant currently in the final year and I would like to obtain your advice on a certain issue At the age of 13 I was diagnosed with  Kallmann’s syndrome which means I don’t have an ability to smell and also that I can’t reproduce due to  improper development of the private part. Alhumdulilah, from the age of 19 and onwards I am on hormonal therapy and now I look like a normal male.   Now my parents are considering my marriage. My parents found a respectable family and they have a daughter who is an Alima age 23 and she was married earlier to a boy who declared just a few days after marriage that he wanted someone with worldly education and not Alima and so that marriage ended in a few days. My parents have told them about me that I cannot reproduce and they and their daughter are okay with that.  I was also allowed a very brief look at the girl and I found her ok. Also I have been to the doctor and he told me that I won’t have any problem in getting married. I thank Allah for giving me a normal life.  Somethings that I keep thinking about are: My parents haven’t told them about my disability to smell. I also have a skin allergy which has greatly reduced since my childhood but it shows up in dry or dusty weather, and I have marks on my body. This is also not properly told. We are very conscious about our worldly education and although I personally don’t think that should be a problem but I still feel doubtful sometimes specially because my parents are looking for an MBBS girl for my older brother according to his demands. Also I feel that I can’t consider about refusing this particular 23 year old girl because I don’t want my parents to have to tell about my problem to any other family and so I feel I might not be making an independent decision .  Also sometimes I wonder if her parents are desperate and just want to get her married and she is not completely satisfied with the fact that she might never become a mother. Although they said that they have done istikharah several times before agreeing for marriage. I would like you to please honour me with your attention and advice and pray for me Jazakumullah khair

 

Answer:

 

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

 

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

The Shariah promotes positivity and optimism.  We are encouraged to be optimists. Sayyiduna Abu Hurayrah radiahllahu anhu narrates that the Messenger of Allah salallahu alaihi wasallam said,

“The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer although there is good in each. Desire that which will bring you benefit, and seek help from Allah and do not give way to incapacity. If something happens to you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such-and-such.’ Rather say, ‘The decree of Allah. He does what He will.’ Otherwise you will open yourself up to the action of Shaytān.”[1](Sahīh Muslim hadīth no.2664)

 

Do not give thought to all the doubts and negative thoughts crawling into your mind.  Before proceeding with the marriage, seek guidance and goodness from Allah by performing istikhārah.     If this girl is pious and righteous then go ahead and do not procrastinate.  A pious woman is a priceless and precious treasure.  The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam said,

“The world is a collection of treasures.  The best treasure in this world is a righteous wife.”[2]

(Sunan Ibn Mājah hadith no.1855)

 

Do not worry about any problems you may be suffering.  There are many people suffering from illnesses more severe.  You will find people who are blind, disabled, crippled yet they are all married.  Marriage is not restricted to the external bodies.  Marriage is a bond of the hearts.  A marriage unites two souls together.  Many people seek companionship and sincere friendship from a marriage.  It is far beyond the physical appearance of a person.

 

Every person has some defect or weakness.  With every defect in a person comes a praiseworthy trait.  In fact, a physical defect may not be as severe as a defect in character.  A person suffering from a lack of anger management is harder to bear than a gentle crippled person.

 

Marriage demands compromise.  The husband and wife have to compromise and share common ground.  The consequence of a marriage fuelled with compromise is true love.  Your fiancée and yourself have to compromise.

 

Conceiving children is by the order of Allah Ta’ālā.  How many healthy couples fail to conceive? It is totally in the power of Allah Ta’ālā.  Ask Allah to shower you with children.  Nothing is impossible when Allah is in the equation.

 

Do not be worried about the physical defects you have stated.  They can be treated medically.  Seek the appropriate medication and have faith in Allah.

 

We make du’ā’ to Allah Ta’ālā that he grants you the best in both worlds. Amīn.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mawlana Faraz ibn Adam,
Student Darul Iftaa

Leicester, United Kingdom

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net


[1] عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «الْمُؤْمِنُ الْقَوِيُّ، خَيْرٌ وَأَحَبُّ إِلَى اللهِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِ الضَّعِيفِ، وَفِي كُلٍّ خَيْرٌ احْرِصْ عَلَى مَا يَنْفَعُكَ، وَاسْتَعِنْ بِاللهِ وَلَا تَعْجَزْ، وَإِنْ أَصَابَكَ شَيْءٌ، فَلَا تَقُلْ لَوْ أَنِّي فَعَلْتُ كَانَ كَذَا وَكَذَا، وَلَكِنْ قُلْ قَدَرُ اللهِ وَمَا شَاءَ فَعَلَ، فَإِنَّ لَوْ تَفْتَحُ عَمَلَ الشَّيْطَانِ» (رقم الحديث 2644)

[2] عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ يَزِيدَ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، قَالَ: «إِنَّمَا الدُّنْيَا مَتَاعٌ، وَلَيْسَ مِنْ مَتَاعِ الدُّنْيَا شَيْءٌ أَفْضَلَ مِنَ الْمَرْأَةِ الصَّالِحَةِ» (سنن إبت ماجه رقم الحديث 1855)


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