Question:
Im living in a world surrounded by fitnah. i feel disgusted to say that i became used to the fitnah around me and how temptations continuously haunt me every single day. im still trying to save myself right now while im aware, because i fear i will be blinded by the worldly desires and temptations and (astagfirulla may the day never come ) forget about allah. as a young teenager i find it extremely hard to lower my gaze, something i take very lightly and barely do. my eyes are always wandering and i don’t avert them when i see a guy. in fact, i keep looking and looking if i think he looks good. i hate it. i hate knowing that i am ignoring allah’s commands knowingly. i need to fix myself asap. and im 15 so getting married isn’t an option. please i need some advice that a teenage girl can take. ive seen videos on youtube but most of them are about men lowering their gaze on women. i know its almost the same thing, but i feel like i’ll understand more if its advised to a teenage girl. – jazakallah
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We commend you on your desire to maintain chaste.
Wanting to see the opposite gender is something the nafs (carnal desires) enjoys. The nafs is like a child or a wild beast. It needs to be tamed. The more you feed it, the more it wants. It is never satisfied.
The more you train your inner self and prevent it from giving it what it wants, the easier it will be to prevent yourself from haram.
Everyday do the following and insha’Allah it will help you control your nafs:
1) Recite the Qur’an and do some dhikr of Allah.
2) Whilst walking around, do the dhikr of Allah.
3) Contemplate on the harms of viewing the opposite gender. What does one gain? Pleasure of the eyes for a few seconds and then there is nothing tangible? And in the process, one has gained the displeasure of the One who created the eyes? What if Allah takes eyesight away after a glance?
4) Stay in pious company outside.
5) Everytime you walk, make goals that you will control your gaze to such a point.
6) After every salah, make dua to Allah to give you the ability to control gaze.
7) If you slip up, immediately do tawbah.
8) Give one dollar in sadaqah every time you look at something haram.
Insha’Allah, by doing the above, we have hope that this weakness will no longer be there.
And Allah Ta’ālā Knows Best